All I ask for is support. The Momma says, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." So I ask that negative comments not even be posted.
So here we go:
Romans 15
1 We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. 2 Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up. 3 For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: “The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.”[a] 4 For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.5 May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, 6 so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
7 Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.
How many times in life through the struggles to we merely need a comrade in arms. When we are having a tough day, we need someone to encourage us. I can say I am certainly at a time in my life spiritually when this uplifting helps so much. It helps me to know that although that person isn't walking my path, they are encouraging every step I take. I think we all need that encouragement. To understand where I am going, I need to share where I have been. Because I am an over-sharer, I will do my best not to bore you with the little details. However, be prepared, this could get lengthy. So grab your cup of coffee, prop your feet up and take a stroll down memory lane with me. Some things are good, some are not.
I have been in church since 9 months before I was born. Not just any church, but a Southern Baptist church. I am not ashamed to say that I love the church i grew up in and all those that have followed. For my family, the only question asked on Sunday was what are you wearing to church, not are you going. Not to say that my parents forced us to go, but it was simply customary. It's what we did. During a presentation at my church on the night of April 14th, 1999, knelt in the pew of my church, I recognized that all my years in church and walking down front at the age of 9 because that is what my friends did, didn't keep me from hell and eternal separation from God. In those moments as I knelt during the invitation, I remember feeling that there was no one else in the room but me and the Holy Spirit. I knew what to pray, I had heard it a thousand times. But this time, it meant something different to me. As I recognized my sinful nature before God, asked Him to forgive me for those sins, and to come into my heart and life and be my Lord and Savior, a rush of heat and them cool rushed all over my body. From the very tip of my head to the bottom of my feet. Kinda like the shivers, but heat followed by cool. As I opened my eyes, stood up, and remembered I was not the only one in the room, I couldn't keep myself from smiling! I had just been given the greatest gift this world had ever known through the death of Jesus Christ and His resurrection! I didn't say anything to anyone that night, or the next day; but 2 days later I told by best friend, "Je", and was so excited! Because of a parlayzing fear of being alone in public, she to the pastor with me the following Sunday as I made my decision public to the church. Through my fear, God gave me a peace.
That peace was so needed when the following year, my small world came crumbling down as I found out my parents would be divorcing. After 20 years of a marriage that never involved a raised voice, or a scornful look, but always gave each other a quick kiss when they left the others company; I was at a loss. Although for a while I did dive deeper into my involvement with the youth group. However, in this little world, they didn't understand the pain I was feeling. No one had been there, at least not that they were telling. They gave me hugs and help me when I needed someone to talk to, but it is different when they don't understand. Even though my boyfriend at the time had divorced parents, he didn't go to church, so he was no help either. He broke up with me the summer between Junior and Senior years of HS, which opened the doors for the Hubby! He and I began dating Senior year and I used him as an escape. I pushed away from my church friends who didn't understand the pain I was going through. The further away I got from them, the closer I got to another group of friends. Their scene was the party scene. We partied after every football game (ok, maybe not every game) but it felt like it. Although I didn't get drunk, I did begin drinking to fit in. I knew I was an outsider in this world and was looking for acceptance and for something to take my mind off what was and wasn't happening at home.
This carried over into my college years. The Hubby and I went to the same residential school for a year and a half where I was instantly inducted into the cool crowd, because no one there knew my past. I always felt like the dork, so this acceptance was what I thought I was looking for. Most of our friends from the party crowd were in school with us too, which just made things even more fun.
Skip to the summer before my transfer. I had been living with the Momma when I wasn't at school, because It just wasn't fair to make my twin 16-year-old brother's share the smallest room in the house. The hubby and I had been dating for 3 years, and we had every intention of getting married. During a very difficult week, I found out not only was I going to be getting a proposal, but that my Dad didn't approve. In fact, he said he "didn't see it coming." Yes, I can quote that because I remember seeing the words come out of this mouth and thinking "Are you ** kidding me!?" The hubby wasn't a bad influence, nor did I feel that God didn't want me to marry him. You see, God and I had this conversation before we ever started dating. After the Hubby and I got engaged the day before my birthday, I remember having very few conversations with my Dad. Being Daddy's little girl, and having him push you away is very hard. I transferred to an awesome school where I finished my degree 2 years later and graduated. The Hubby and I got married in October where my Dad was not in attendance. I didn't even get to tell him a date because he would not return my phone calls.
The Hubby and I have been married 5 1/2 years now and I know this is the path God had planned for me! Not to say by any means it has been an easy road. The Hubby has battled his own personal demons, losing his Dad, and job loss. We have both struggled to deal with his battles, in addition to the typical ups and downs that come with a marriage. The financial struggle on two free-spirits trying to maintain a household. And the Hubby has dealt with me through my pregnancy and the emotional roller-coaster that can be as well as a battle with irrational, unfounded fears once the Girl was born. He has stood by me as I have stood by him.
I forgave my Dad for leaving without attempting to contact me. I knew in my heart, I was hurting because of the anger and unforgiveness I harbored. God began dealing with me over a year ago for my Dad to return to my life this past October; the week of our 5 year anniversary. It had been 6 years since I had seen or spoken to my Dad. **typing through tears** As I hugged him that night in the back room of my grandfather's house that sits behind the home I grew up in, I could not contain myself. The comfort in a Daddy's hug is one a daughter never forgets. It was so familiar, and was the healing I had been needing for my broken heart for 10 years! That night, he met his grand-daughter for the first time at 10 months old. My heart was so full of joy that night as the day the Girl was born!
God had been using our new church to prepare me for this event. We joined another SB church in our area and have found a wonderful Sunday School class. This group has been a great encouragement and inspiration to me! Shout out to the Wooley Class! When I feel like I have lost the excitement I felt when I first accepted Christ, they prop me up. When I am stressed from the craziness of the work week, i look forward to getting up Sunday morning and talking, studying, and fellowshiping with this group. Although I am not currently close to the ladies of the class enough to call them every night, I still feel a strong kinship with them. The few times we have been able to enjoy fellowships or just going out to dinner, I have had a blast. I want to be closer to these ladies and my class. I feel they are the "out-of-the-family" support group God has for me. I look forward to getting to know them better and them getting to know me. I want to strengthen my faith, and have a closer walk with the Lord and those in his service. I want to be a Godly role-model for the Girl, so she can grow up knowing the love the Lord has for her. I want her to grow up in this church with the children of these friends. I want her to be able to build the same Circle of Support in her faith that I am working to establish as her Mom.
I told you this would get to be long. I look forward to the path God has before me and know that He is guiding my steps. Now, if only I can quit being stubborn long enough to follow those amazing steps and allow Him to carry me through the tough times...
"He's still workin on me; To make me what I outta be. Took Him just a week to make the Moon and the Stars; the Sun, and the Earth, and Jupiter, and Mars. How loving and patient He must be; He's still workin on me!"
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